Am I Working Too Hard or Being Lazy?

With all the responsibilities I took on this year, I found myself asking "Do I need a break or am I just being lazy?" I've decide when I'm delusional and everyone keeps asking me if I'm tired, it's time for me to CHILL. Most of the time I do need to take a break, but I'm just too hard on myself. See this habit of mine is a blessing and a curse. As I sit here and contemplate my decision to just "wing" my finance final, I realized I hate being wrong, not completing school work or just down right not caring. I know you're probably thinking "Well duh, that's what you're supposed to be doing which is why you're uncomfortable with not doing it." You see, I'm weird. I hate when I don't get the highest score on a test or pass a class with an A, but I still do just what's required. Which leads me to another commitment I've made to myself, but that's another story. Any who, another questions I ask myself is "Are you only doing just the minimum because it's about things you could care less about or are you just lazy?"

I'm starting to think I'm just honestly afraid of being lazy.

Although people tell me they're proud of me and I've accomplished so much, I'm still not content with my accomplishments. I don't feel like I've done anything AMazing, I just feel mediocre. Which, if I do say so myself, is sad. I have worked hard for several opportunities people would be thankful for and would make an Instagram or Facebook post about, but I just can't. Part of me feels like this is a good thing, but again bad at the same time. 

Let's talk about the bad first. I feel at some point I need to know when to pat myself on he back. It's healthy to praise yourself, but then again not to much. Remain humble.

Now to the good part. This is basically what I've been trying to get to this entire post, lol. I actually like that I'm never satisfied with my accomplishments because that means I'll always keep pushing and trying to top myself. I was watching J. Cole's new documentary, I don't know if that's what you would call it, but he basically was reflecting on what keeps him going and being successful. He said he tries to top himself every album. Although I've heard this piece of advice before, for some reason is resonated with me differently this time. I think it might be because the entire time I was watching the mini docu, I kept saying "Dang, I wish I had their talent." But mid fantasizing, I realized their calling is not my calling and I  need to focus on what I'm good at. 

But what am I good at?